Rule #2: All boobs are relative

24 May

Boobettes are boobettes and girls are girls.

Yes, you heard me.

In simplicity, this is the easiest way to describe how girls react. At the very core, we all kinda want the same thing.  Sometimes situations simply put us as odds against each other. We all just want to find our own way and be happy.

When girls sit there and talk about how they hate girls, they are just reinforcing the competition that we have with each other.  That toe-up simple bitch with the receding hair and gum line from Rule #1 is undoubtedly talking the same shit about me too.  And that’s perfectly fine. Hatred makes things interesting, and I’m beginning to believe that it is almost healthy to have that competition with other ladies. It keeps us on our toes, so why fight it? When you have girl fights, make it a movie. Make it as dramatic as possible. As long as there is a mutual understanding of the hatred, fair game I say! Eventually, things will blow over. And at the end of the day, do you really care what that squirrelly little simple bitch has to say about you? No, her opinion doesn’t matter because she’s ugly and I hate her. If you must have drama with girls, make it well worthwhile because that will make things more interesting. Or ignore it. Either method will aid in your survival.

Along the same lines of hating other girls, the ones worth loving, please do everything in your power to keep them loving you.  It is so hard to find a friend that will wipe the puke from your face after you’ve drank too much, not get angry when you accidentally ruin (or lose, or puke on) her new shoes and show up at your place with M&Ms when you’ve had your heart broken. When you find a friend like this, DON’T EVER LET GO ROSE!  Girls are far more likely to stick around if you get fat or ugly or insane.  Probably because they always have the option to walk away for a bit then come back.  Or because there is that mutual fear that we will all get fat or ugly or insane; it’s simply impending age.  You will never find a better love than one between true friends, so probably don’t go lesbian and fuck her either. Fucking has a tendency to ruin friendships.

Not to be so pessimistic. What I want to be clear about is that I don’t naturally hate girls, but there are some really annoying ones. I know that most of the annoying ones are probably saying the same thing about me. They can’t be trusted. So when you find that friend that you can trust, trust her and treat her well. Girls will always be good to you if you are good to them. Ahhh the Golden Rule.

Fuck boys, girls rule the world.

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