Rule #3: Every Girl has an Eternity Boy.

24 May

Eternity Boy: the man-boy that will always be in the picture because there will always be unfinished business.

If you do not have an eternity boy yet, you will have one, give it time.

Alloe me to describe mine in a nutshell. I would never have dated him in college because he was sluttier than a purebred greyhound and he would have never made a move on me because he respected me too much (and his best friend was head over heels for me, but that is an entirely different rule book).  However, that would not stop me from sneaking to his dorms after hours to talk on his headset as he played Halo or whatever people do when they aren’t fooling around. He would take me for rides on his motorcycle and I would allow myself to play the part of hot freshman he could bring to parties. Then, one fateful new years eve, after he had made out with two of my girl friends (we got past that quickly. What better way to bond with your girls than to talk about one man’s kissing style?), we totally hooked up.  I’m using the phrase hooked up in the most arbitrary manner here. Some people think that hooking up means full on penetration; multiple times, multiple holes. Others think that it’s a kiss on your parent’s doorstep. When we hooked up, there was a lot of knock your socks off making out and he kept asking “How far do you want to go?” Well, how far have you gone to get tested for Herpes? It’s the gift that just keeps giving, but I would rather just keep that under wraps. I’m not paranoid about catching something, but always better to be safer with a slut. Anyways, that night led to a long string of excitements, disappointments and dreams dashed upon the rocks. By dreams I mean whiskey.

Once you give in to the eternity boy, he’s like you cable bill. It keeps coming back, but you want to pay it because it gives you something very valuable in return. In my case, it’s probably a validation for myself that the one man that no one siren can tame keeps coming back to me, making me the unstoppable woman of desire.  I’m like Carrie and he’s my Mr. Big. See my rule #1. It’s rule number one because it holds a very special place in my heart. If I can keep the man who always cheats on women coming back to me, then maybe I’ll find myself to be someone who will not be cheated on. It’s sick and twisted, and I never intend to marry this eternity boy (any respectful woman will never marry her eternity boy; he’s just a boy and you need a real man) but it feels good when his muscly arms pull me in to his bulging pectorals. Who cares if I use a man who will never treat me right to make me feel like I’m a worthwhile woman. I’m definitely not getting the same validation from my parents (another entirely different rule book).

The eternity boy is sexy and beautiful and a dream come true, but will never come true and I’ve come to terms with that.  The only reason that he’s so wonderful because he gets idealized.  That eternity boy you’re thinking of is 60% your imagination, 20% real man and 20% asshole.  The thing that makes him stick around for eternity is that fact that things will never work out. If the relationship never works out, then it never ends, hence the unfinished business. So diddle with him while you can because eventually, Mr. Right is going to come and sweep you out of those pulsating muscles and into a land known as a stable relationship. Hopefully…if you play your cards right. Then you can just dream about what could have happened if things would have worked out with the eternity boy…which they never will because that defeats the purpose and title of Eternity boy.


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