Rule #5: If you fart in the kitchen, you have to do the dishes.

24 May

Honestly, this is a common courtesy. The rule that was once used to trick my gassy kid brother into doing yet another chore has now become an effective tool with roommates. Nobody wants to hear their roommate flatulate, especially not when they are mowing down on the newest Ramen flavor. Ramen is bad enough already.

I once had a roommate whose buttcheeks vibrated like the earthquakes of Japan, except far more frequently. She also would leave her dishes until the water that she would soak them in became thick with ooey gooey bacteria. In retrospect, I could have chosen a better roommate. Also, our kitchen was joined with our living room, making the entire area a no-air biscuit zone. She still probably farted as much as Ren and Stimpy, but at least now I had a very valid reason to yell at her for farting and for leaving her dishes in the sink.

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you when I say that my kid brother is probably the only person who this rule is effective with, but you gain so much self validation from yelling at someone for being disgusting in two ways in the violation of one rule.

Ladies, if you’re married, this is a wonderful rule for husbands to obey since I’m sure none of you pass gas.

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