Rule #4: If you think that they’re too good looking, remember that they still have a penis.

24 May

One fateful night, I met this model type broad…shouldered man. Oh he was beautiful, sculpted like a Greek statue with lips that looked like they belonged on every part of me. His name was Jonas, like a sexier, taller version of those prick musicians. Except his friend was the one putting on the moves; call him Buddyguy. His friend was pretty alright looking and the sexy Greek guy wasn’t even giving me the time of day, despite my brand new dress from JCPenny’s. Everyone loves a turtleneck.  After a few rounds beer pong, probably played with Smirnoff Black, I was good and plastered. It was about that time of night where my carriage turns into a pumpkin so I had to get my tiny little buttcheeks outta there. Buddyguy decided that it was about time that we exchanged numbers, except by some miracle I knocked his phone out of his hands.  Being the hipster prick that he was, he says “well I guess you can’t have my number now.” I don’t handle rejection well, especially not in stupid situations that men seem to throw themselves in. So I say “Fine. I’ll just have his then.” Pulled the old switcharoo on the old boys! Then I ran off and left one of my fancy glass slippers behind. Shoot, it’s so hard to find those in the right size…

My blazed beyond humanity wing woman warned me not to get my hopes up because those men were far too beautiful to ever give girls like us the time of day. That must have been the green talking because guess who called the very next night…besides my mother. That’s right, Jonas. Not the brothers either. Not only did he call, but sent the invitation to a party. This first party led to a long string of summer flings; mostly just one night stands. It never evolved into anything, however, because the boy simply did not talk. He was actually a Greek statue! But unlike the David, his penis worked. But all this is besides the point. Men will call, no matter how beautiful, if they want to get laid. You can take it as an ego boost that you can get with really attractive men, I certainly did, but if that essential chemistry isn’t there the relationship is a big load of hooey.


One Response to “Rule #4: If you think that they’re too good looking, remember that they still have a penis.”

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