Rule #12: You do not need to try to impress your Eternity Boy

25 May

But you will anyways.

He’s either already impressed or not paying attention.

Here is what happened. I was dating this boy who I later lost my virginity to and we went out one night together. So this night was going to be a mess from the beginning since I was far too drunk and my eternity boy was in town. Whenever he comes into town, I always feel the need to live my life to the fullest, whether he is paying attention or not, so messy things happen to my sobriety. I started off drinking with my wonderful friends in my wonderful college dorm when my would-be virginity thief showed up. Wonderful. We went downtown and made out on the dance floor. Then when we went to another bar we separated and I saw my Eternity Boy from across the room. THINK FAST! So what my drunken alterego did to create the allure of being sensual and irresistible was by grabbing the nearest man-boy and shoving my tongue down his throat. Coincidentally the closest man-boy to me was known as Asshole Bill. Why? Because he’s an asshole. After the impressive make-out that I’m sure eternity boy did not even pay a smidgen of attention to because his eyes were focused on the dart game or the blondie standing next to it, Asshole Bill (not much different than Wild Bill) claimed that since I liked him enough to suck face that I can just go home with him now. I would rather eat a lemonade and toe fungus hot pocket than have Asshole Bill turn my actual asshole into target practice.

And guess what? Did the Eternity Boy even see? Nope. But he did text me. I need to keep my lips on a leash.

 

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