Tag Archives: love

Rule #30: Love the person that you are becoming

13 Jun

You’re still becoming her and you will be until the very day that you die.

I’m only saying her because my blog is pink, this could easily be directed to men.

There is a difference between loving the woman that you’ll become versus loving the person you are. If you love the person that you are, well good for you! You’ll only get bored eventually, so keep a goal of the ideal self that you want to be. It is having this goal of a person that you are trying to become that keeps you motivated to keep improving, it’s inspiration to make something better for yourself. Do you think Angelina Jolie thought “oh well now that I’ve got a hot body, I can probably cool it” Or “I’m flipping Lara Croft, ain’t nobody gunna top this” or “I just stole Brad Pitt from freaking Jennifer Aniston!” No, she went out and adopted kids with him and then made him put a ring on it. And I will roll over and die if that woman stops improving. She is constantly working on a new goal and making herself a better woman. Don’t you dare say that you’re not Angelina. That bitch is weird, but she keeps her shit together and I bet if you ask her, every day she gets happier. It’s that constant evolution that keeps you satisfied with yourself and that growth keeps you constantly intrigued and happy with who you are becoming. To use that cliche Emerson quote: “Life is a journey, not a destination.” It’s so hard to keep track of your long term goals if that is all you’re looking at. Be happy that you aced your college essay. But even more importantly, be happy that you cared enough about it to put in the effort. That effort and drive will make you happier than any stroke of luck that could happen to you. Except maybe backstage passes to Trey Songz which leads to marriage. That would be a very happy stroke of luck, but marriage to Trey Songz is a hefty goal of mine.

I once swore to myself that I would never do a job that I didn’t love. What I’m slowly realizing is that it’s not about the job at all. It’s about how you choose to spend your time. If you can make money while doing it, that’s awesome. No one lays on their death bed and asks for more money, they ask for time. It seems like something so simple. If it’s money that makes you happy, then go for the money (sometimes I just love counting it). If it’s love, then do everything in your power to make love happen. If it’s adventure, then get out and do something. You’re not going to accomplish much by sitting here and reading blog after blog. Go out and live your life, make things happen. Idealize the person that you want to be and get out there and work at it.

Rule #22: It is only a first date when he pays.

29 May

I have never been the type to say that women and men are not equal, but things are different on the first date. I don’t care if the lady creature is insisting and insisting about paying; the man should always pay on the first date. As far as I’m concerned there are three types of first dates, all of which it’s relatively acceptable, nay required, for the man to pay.

1. The first situation where a first date comes to mind is the stranger date. This could be with someone your friends are setting you up with, a blind date, internet date or that guy that you accidentally gave your number to at the bar and he actually called. You show up, handshake if he’s a ninny or hug if he expects to eventually get some. Order whatever you please, but be conscious about prices. Don’t get something outrageous but don’t be so conscious that you order a glass of water and a toothpick. Him buying is definitely not about the money, it’s the principle. If he’s smooth, he’ll just take the check, insert his card finish quickly and that’s that. Him paying should be like sex, quick and effortless. Because that’s how we like it ladies, right, RIGHT?? Totally kidding, but it should not be a big deal because it should be common place. If he asks you to pay, I also see him asking you to go down on him for hours or drive him everywhere since he probably doesn’t have a car. The main reason that he should pay is so that he can prove to you that he’s not a scrub. You’ve never met the guy before and how do you know that he’s not going to expect you to care for him as his mother would. I’m obviously not in the mood to have children, but if you are go for da scrub.

2. The second situation is when friends decide to bridge that awkward step into romance. I hate this kind of date, and I love dates. This has the potential to turn into a beautiful relationship, but this first step is almost worse than trying wasabi for the first time and you don’t understand how spicy it’s going to be so you put a glob on your tongue and then cry for minutes. Whenever a guy friend asks me on a date I just want to cry. Especially when I thought things were going swimmingly as friends, I just don’t understand why we have to enter the land of future broken hearts. But to humor him, I go. I always have this ideal situation in my head that all of a sudden on this date he’ll magically appear as Mr. Perfect. He already understands who I am, my needs and my sense of humor, so things should be easy from the get go, right? No. Changing from a friendship to a romantic relationship is like switching a car from first gear to fifth. It can be done, but you’re going to make a lot of noise and give it a lot of gas…unless if you kill it. I could elaborate more on this topic, but this gap is hard enough to bridge, so for the sake of God’s holy name, let him pay. At least then you have one thing that outlines this date from friends hanging out to a real live date.

3. The third first date is a reunion first date. There are probably the best. You already know the person but you have been gifted with a second chance! But still, there is probably a reason that things didn’t work out the first time around. You should make him pay simply as that reassurance to you that he is invested and he has his shit together this time around.

After the first date gets out of the way, become a sugar mama or go dutch or whatever you please, but a first date is not a first date until he pays.

Rule #20: Never forget what the childhood version of you wanted to be.

27 May

Ninja. I wanted to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Becoming a turtle was a little out of the question and I had enough trouble kicking a soccer ball so kicking someone’s ass was always a little stretch. I tried with my brothers, but that’s another story that ends with plenty of black eyes and tattling to mommy. Sure you realize that you might not necessarily end up exactly where you thought you would, but I would still think that I’ve kept most of the same principles of my childhood goals. As a child, your goals are so pure. Keep it there.

Right now is the season of graduations about and younglings launching into the fake-real world and I do not envy them at all. Not so say that I have all of my issues figured out. I’ve graduated twice now. From high school, I moved on directly to college. I absolutely loved it. Would I have changed it? Oh totally. I would go back and take a year off to travel and then make some money so I wasn’t trapped in all these God-forsaken loans. When you graduate high school, you’re still very much a kid with hairy genitalia. Kids follow anything they’re told. Except the annoying little crapheads that I babysit. Anyways, I loved my college experience and am very happy that I went. But now that I’ve been out in the real world for a while now, I’m still constantly asking myself if I’m where I’m supposed to be. And it’s always something different. And frankly, I’m so tired of asking myself if I’m doing the right thing. Instead, I’ve started questioning who I want to become and the type of person that I want to evolve into. Maybe it is better to ask who you want to be rather than what you want to be. Who you are defines more of the “youness” than any degree or career can tell you.

Make sure that you make time for the ones you love, make love to the ones you want to make love to and do what you love. That’s it. No one really cares what you do (besides your mother who has always been nagging you to marry rich and follow in her footsteps). If you love living in sewers and climbing up to the main level to rescue hot lab assistants like April O’Neil, then fucking do it. You’ll be able to find tons of used food down there so survival is no biggie. But seriously, if you were not cut out to go to college and get that big person job and make millions of dollars to buy that nice house and car that you spend the rest of your life paying off so you can die old, then don’t follow that plan. My man (not actually my man) Micheal Dell dropped out of college, and here’s what the fuck that billionaire has to say on the topic: “As you start your journey, the first thing you should do is throw away that store-bought map and begin to draw your own.” I’ve never been much of a map drawer, but I do what I love and so far I love where that has taken me. What I really want to get down to business and say is that if you’re not happy, then change something. If you hate your job, go to school so you can get a different job. Or just get a different job. If you feel constrained by your relationship and you’re no longer happy, then move on. Life is a constantly flushing toilet bowl where there is always new shit. The people who love you will always love you as long as you stay true to yourself. Decisions to better yourself are ALWAYS understood by normal people. If someone does not understand that you are changing your life so that you can better accomplish your dreams, then they should probably consider some life changes as well. Flush that shit down.

Think of your Uncle Earl, or whatever his name is. He’s the guy who sits in his basement all day and counts his money and sometimes brings nasty food to family gatherings, like fruitcake and mustard bread. He talks about all of the things that he wants to do but he is just a basement dweller. If he would just accept that he was a basement dweller, then that would make his life so much happier. He’s living to be the true Earl. If he wanted to travel, he would have done it. No. He is indeed a basement troll and he loves it. Don’t be that. Unless if that is exactly what you want to be. If you want to be a basement dweller, you go and do that with all your heart! As for the rest of you, get out there and do something that you actually enjoy doing. Stop reading this blog.

But you didn’t stop. You didn’t stop because you love it. Enough for my own personal little egotrip.

Discover the type of person that you want to become and then your life path will work out for you in the end. It’s so hard to control…well, anything in this world. How is anyone supposed to get a decent job in this economy? And then even if they get a “decent job” who likes working the 9-5 for their entire career? Some people, that’s the answer; some people. If that’s what makes you happy, then just do it. But me, I’m going to be devoted to becoming the person that I want to be and the rest will hopefully fall into place. Also, I’ll work on my nun-chuck skills.

YOLO muthafuckas. YOLO (that’s what the kids are saying).

Rule #2: All boobs are relative

24 May

Boobettes are boobettes and girls are girls.

Yes, you heard me.

In simplicity, this is the easiest way to describe how girls react. At the very core, we all kinda want the same thing.  Sometimes situations simply put us as odds against each other. We all just want to find our own way and be happy.

When girls sit there and talk about how they hate girls, they are just reinforcing the competition that we have with each other.  That toe-up simple bitch with the receding hair and gum line from Rule #1 is undoubtedly talking the same shit about me too.  And that’s perfectly fine. Hatred makes things interesting, and I’m beginning to believe that it is almost healthy to have that competition with other ladies. It keeps us on our toes, so why fight it? When you have girl fights, make it a movie. Make it as dramatic as possible. As long as there is a mutual understanding of the hatred, fair game I say! Eventually, things will blow over. And at the end of the day, do you really care what that squirrelly little simple bitch has to say about you? No, her opinion doesn’t matter because she’s ugly and I hate her. If you must have drama with girls, make it well worthwhile because that will make things more interesting. Or ignore it. Either method will aid in your survival.

Along the same lines of hating other girls, the ones worth loving, please do everything in your power to keep them loving you.  It is so hard to find a friend that will wipe the puke from your face after you’ve drank too much, not get angry when you accidentally ruin (or lose, or puke on) her new shoes and show up at your place with M&Ms when you’ve had your heart broken. When you find a friend like this, DON’T EVER LET GO ROSE!  Girls are far more likely to stick around if you get fat or ugly or insane.  Probably because they always have the option to walk away for a bit then come back.  Or because there is that mutual fear that we will all get fat or ugly or insane; it’s simply impending age.  You will never find a better love than one between true friends, so probably don’t go lesbian and fuck her either. Fucking has a tendency to ruin friendships.

Not to be so pessimistic. What I want to be clear about is that I don’t naturally hate girls, but there are some really annoying ones. I know that most of the annoying ones are probably saying the same thing about me. They can’t be trusted. So when you find that friend that you can trust, trust her and treat her well. Girls will always be good to you if you are good to them. Ahhh the Golden Rule.

Fuck boys, girls rule the world.