Tag Archives: obnoxious

Rule #26: The bro code is bogus.

5 Jun

Perhaps I am inadvertently discrediting my own current blog, but I had an experience this weekend to show how bogus the bro code is when bros can’t even properly decode a situation where a woman is involved. These rules in the letters to my eggs, however, are already bogus because my eggs will never read them. I recently had an experience where the bro code was even more highly violated by enforcing the bro code; proving it’s inefficiency.

There was once this coworker of mine who I got along with nicely. I would even go as far as to say that he was my first friend at my new job, but I was not interested. He was nice, but frankly, overwhelming and obnoxious; therefore lonely. Since you can’t drink when you’re bartending and bar cherries, pickles and olives just cannot sustain a human diet, I have been known to drink a virgin Bloody Mary for dinner. Something about the zest fills me up like a Latino penis. Anyways, I would like to make it as obvious as possible that my drink is a virgin because virgin jokes are quite becoming. Lots of jokes run around about this: Vivian is eating the virgin again. Vivian has never sucked a virgin so quickly. Vivian is as virgin as her drink isn’t.

Anyways, somehow this translated into lonely bartender asking about how my virgin Bloody Mary’s dating life was. I answer with the most obvious answer: Obviously not great; still a virgin. Somehow he thought that that meant I was still a virgin. I don’t even understand how men think that that is sexy. There is nothing attractive to me about an inexperienced bed-mate who probably knows nothing more than to thrust rapidly or lay there like a dead starfish. Anyways, after his shift when he got wasted, he brought up the idea of my drink being a virgin again. I didn’t think it was possible for there to be more jokes about me/drink being a virgin. But this wasn’t a joke. He offered to change my joke of a virginity status by asking me out on a date. I say nay nay because he was obnoxious and now wasted.

Meanwhile, I was feeding shots to this hottie tottie slut in a red dress. If you wear a red dress to the bars on a Tuesday, you’re begging to be fucked. There was the fact of the dress, and that she was begging to be fucked. Almost immediately after lonely bartender had asked me out, she went and started grinding on him. She was sexy and he was wasted, so no judgement was made on my part. It was a busy night so I further occupied myself with the less creepy customers who actually tipped. What happened next I only caught glimpses of from my peripheral.

Apparently, slutty red dress had gone up to one of the sober bouncers and purposely knocked a drink out of his hands. They both looked at it and she says “I’ll get it.” She literally did the bend and snap. The cup came up cupping her C-cups with her ass on his weenie. You go girl! The bouncer said that he would have totally gotten her number, except that lonely bartender was already taking her home to fuck her.

BRO CODE VIOLATION! By the bouncer telling me this story, he may have allowed for one night of fucking, but he definitely ruined all chances of lonely bartender to hit it with me on the regular.

Why the bro code is a failure is because too many bros know about the bro code and insist on bragging about it. With girls, it is more of an unspoken code. We must be respectful of each other and our prerogatives. Slutty red dress was trying to get her pussy wet and I wasn’t about to stop her.