Tag Archives: scrubs

Rule #28: If all of your friends tell you to leave him, do it.

13 Jun

If just one of your friends is hell bent on breaking the two of you up, she either wants you all to herself or she’s fucking him. Be wary of these backstabbing father fuckers.

We’ve all been there. Been in that type of blissful love where you are completely unaware that the boy can shit anything other than 24 karats. If the guy is shitting gold, chances are he’s not eating right. Either way, something is off. Granted, every once and a while Mr. Perfect comes along. If that’s the case, then bravo Cinderella and I wish you many years of encore.

Maybe your boyfriend is a scrub that doesn’t have a car and needs you to drive him everywhere and buy him things. If this is the case, your friends should be telling you to dump his ass. If they aren’t then they’re in as much denial as you are.

The worst type of relationship is that one where you have to lie to yourself about how wonderful it is. You’re constantly telling yourself that things might be bad now, but at least they’re getting better. WRONG! There is no way that you can change someone. By the time an adult hits the full grown age of 22 or somewhere around there, do you really expect them to change into the ideal person that you want them to be? Heck no. Would a dragonfly ever devolve into it’s nymph stage? Heck No. Once you’re a real person, you’ve pretty much become the person that you are going to be for all eternity and there is really no one who would change that. Once someone is stuck in their scrubbish ways and he has mastered the ways of manipulation to get favors, things and in your pants. If you’re dating that scrub, there is little chance that all of a sudden he’ll decide to turn his life around and become a doctor. When you’re still riding this bliss of this fantasy life, start listening to your friends.

I once knew a girl who somehow got emotionally entangled with this white piece of baby daddy trailer trash. I’ve seen some wonderfully constructed trailers in my day, but he was not living in one of them. The one time she invited me to his “house” to indulge in some underage drinking, his roommates were literally playing darts with knives and some chick gave me a cigarette burn as a baby was crying in the next room. I don’t know about you, but this is not exactly my ideal habitat. But somehow, my friend was in love with the slum of the slums. For three years this poor girl ignored my warnings of his crumminess (antonym: yuminess) and waited until the baby mama pushed her down a flight of stairs. This girl did not even suspect her trip. And even after this disaster, she begged him to take her back. I just don’t understand why beautiful women subject themselves to so much unnecessary trauma.

You’re friends are there for a reason. They’re meant to be there through thick and thin. If they weren’t, then they wouldn’t be your friends and they would let you date the trash accumulating in the gutters of America. But no, your friends want the best for you because there is that mutual respect that you also want the best for them. When you don’t listen to your friends advice, especially when they are honestly telling you off with your best interest at heart, you’re basically ignoring every premise of a decent relationship. Girls never want to see other girls unhappy because we are typically so empathetic that we don’t want to see ourselves in the shitty relationship as well. No girl should have so suffer.

Us ladies are all looking out for the best things to happen for the ladies because honestly, we deserve better than the slums of the earth.

Rule #22: It is only a first date when he pays.

29 May

I have never been the type to say that women and men are not equal, but things are different on the first date. I don’t care if the lady creature is insisting and insisting about paying; the man should always pay on the first date. As far as I’m concerned there are three types of first dates, all of which it’s relatively acceptable, nay required, for the man to pay.

1. The first situation where a first date comes to mind is the stranger date. This could be with someone your friends are setting you up with, a blind date, internet date or that guy that you accidentally gave your number to at the bar and he actually called. You show up, handshake if he’s a ninny or hug if he expects to eventually get some. Order whatever you please, but be conscious about prices. Don’t get something outrageous but don’t be so conscious that you order a glass of water and a toothpick. Him buying is definitely not about the money, it’s the principle. If he’s smooth, he’ll just take the check, insert his card finish quickly and that’s that. Him paying should be like sex, quick and effortless. Because that’s how we like it ladies, right, RIGHT?? Totally kidding, but it should not be a big deal because it should be common place. If he asks you to pay, I also see him asking you to go down on him for hours or drive him everywhere since he probably doesn’t have a car. The main reason that he should pay is so that he can prove to you that he’s not a scrub. You’ve never met the guy before and how do you know that he’s not going to expect you to care for him as his mother would. I’m obviously not in the mood to have children, but if you are go for da scrub.

2. The second situation is when friends decide to bridge that awkward step into romance. I hate this kind of date, and I love dates. This has the potential to turn into a beautiful relationship, but this first step is almost worse than trying wasabi for the first time and you don’t understand how spicy it’s going to be so you put a glob on your tongue and then cry for minutes. Whenever a guy friend asks me on a date I just want to cry. Especially when I thought things were going swimmingly as friends, I just don’t understand why we have to enter the land of future broken hearts. But to humor him, I go. I always have this ideal situation in my head that all of a sudden on this date he’ll magically appear as Mr. Perfect. He already understands who I am, my needs and my sense of humor, so things should be easy from the get go, right? No. Changing from a friendship to a romantic relationship is like switching a car from first gear to fifth. It can be done, but you’re going to make a lot of noise and give it a lot of gas…unless if you kill it. I could elaborate more on this topic, but this gap is hard enough to bridge, so for the sake of God’s holy name, let him pay. At least then you have one thing that outlines this date from friends hanging out to a real live date.

3. The third first date is a reunion first date. There are probably the best. You already know the person but you have been gifted with a second chance! But still, there is probably a reason that things didn’t work out the first time around. You should make him pay simply as that reassurance to you that he is invested and he has his shit together this time around.

After the first date gets out of the way, become a sugar mama or go dutch or whatever you please, but a first date is not a first date until he pays.